***
The bear was generally a very happy one. He had no friends, no wealth, and no home, yet his mood was always high, floating amongst the clouds and prancing around on the highest mountains with unparalleled joy because he did have friendship, he did have wealth, a home, and happiness; he had all of these and more packed into one thing, one magnificent thing that encompassed all any being could ever need or desire.
And that thing was honey.
But now, the bear was very grumpy indeed. He was very sad because everything was NOT honey. There was no honey to be found anywhere in the forest, and the bear suspected he was to blame because he ate it all. He was overcome with grief and remorse, because without honey, life was meaningless. To the bear, a life without honey was no life at all. He sat on the forest floor picking at the grass and thought about what had to be done.
First, his thoughts turned to laziness, thinking he won't do anything because he doesn't want to do anything because there's no honey anywhere and what's the point of looking for something if it's gone because he ate it all because it was so great and wow he wanted honey right now. Then he began to get inspired. He considered where honey came from in the first place, thinking, wow, bees are great. I want to make bees so they can make honey for me. Or perhaps I can make the honey for me! No, then that's not real honey. I need bees. Bees. Bzzzzzzzzzz. Bees. What do bees like? Well, I like honey. Do bees like honey? Surely everyone must like honey, because I know I like honey. Honey is such a pleasant word. Honey. Honey. HONEY. I could say it for hours. Hold on, what was I thinking about? Oh yes, bees. I think bees like flowers. They're always crawling around on those. I think I'll go pick a few and then lure them and then they'll gather and say, "Here, take all the honey you want! I love honey!" Oh wait, I'd say that. I'd say that part about loving honey. I love honey.
On that note, the bear stood up with some difficulty due to his girth, and he began to wander around the forest picking up all kinds of flowers while at the same time keeping an eye out for any honey, of course. He walked and searched for hours and hours. He saw many buzzing insects, smelled several sweet smells, but did not find any bees or any honey. Finally, after collecting a good amount of flowers, he realized he didn't know what to do with them. After an hour or so of fruitless critical thinking, he decided to lay them down on the ground and make bee noises until they arrived.
But they never did. Instead, the bear found two men hiking around the forest, carrying all sorts of investigative tools and maps and big backpacks.
"No, I'm telling you, it's that way!" the taller one said, thrusting his finger in an easterly direction. "If we're to go there," he said, pointing to a spot on the map, "we have to go that way. It's obvious. How do you expect to get out of here if you don't listen to me?"
"Nah, Ned, I told you. The map's wrong. If that's east," the shorter one said earnestly, pointing in the direction Ned pointed in, "then that huge rock should be over there. See?" he asked, indicating the map.
"Okay, fine, whatever you say, Bill," Ned sighed. They walked off in the direction Bill indicated.
The bear had seen this exchange and was intrigued by the two humans he had just seen. What if they had taken the honey? There are never any humans in the forest. The two events must be linked. And so, the bear ran after them.
"Now where are we?" asked Ned, clearly very annoyed. The explorers were now surrounded by vast canyons of mossy rock. "We're lost! Totally lost! Admit it!"
"No, we are not lost! I know exactly where we are," said Bill stubbornly. "It's... You know... Right around the..... Oh, okay, fine! We're lost!" He threw up his hands, accepting defeat.
"Aha! Thank you! Now, how will we get back home? Any ideas?"
"Well, I mean, we have our cell phones --"
"Oh, right. I'll call the authorities."
"I'll call my wife and tell her our situation."
The bear watched with interest as Ned and Bill took out their cell phones. He was thoroughly puzzled when they began speaking into them.
"Hi honey. Yeah, it's me," Bill said casually into his phone.
The bear froze.
Honey.
Honey?
Did he say...
HONEY?!
In an intensely excited and passionate fever of emotions, the bear sprang forward towards Bill and Ned, thinking only of honey, always thinking of honey all the time always. He sprinted towards them with a crazed look in his eyes. The men saw the insane bear rushing towards them, screamed, dropped their phones, and ran. The bear was about to follow them, but he heard the word again from one of the phones!
"Honey? Bill, are you there? What happened? Are you okay? Oh my God..." The bear studied the phone, wondering where that voice was coming from and why did it know about honey. Hold on, he thought, maybe this IS the honey! Oh, that's it, that's it! The bear snatched the phone and chewed it up. He spit it out almost immediately, regretting his actions. That wasn't honey, he thought. That was a metal bug of lies.
The other phone, however, was still speaking. "Hello? What happened? Do you need me to send helicopters?" it asked, then could be heard saying aside, "Yeah, he said they were lost in the forest. You know, the one near -- yeah, that one. Yeah, just go, there's no harm in checking." And then he hung up.
The bear became very grumpy again. He still didn't have any honey or any bees. He didn't have any friends and he didn't have a home or any kind of security. He sat down, went to sleep, and dreamed of honey.
But his nap was short lived, because he was woken up by a couple of helicopters soaring overhead. Wow! thought the bear. Those bees are HUGE! They came, they really came -- but where are they going? Hey! Bees! Come back! Give me your honey!!
The bear chased after them for a few minutes until they led him back to Bill and Ned, who were staring up at the helicopters by a big lake. By leading him here, the bear thought the big bees were trying to tell him the following: "These men have all of our honey and we led you to them so you could have it; just go up to them and ask!" Heeding their instructions, the bear sprinted towards them, tongue lolling out of his mouth, and before he knew it, one of the "bees" shot him with something and the men once again looked terrified.
The bear began to slip out of reality. He began to feel very sleepy as well, but the lake, the lake -- the nearby lake was a lake of honey! Oh, look at all that honey! I must taste some before I sleep! thought the bear. He dragged himself towards the honey lake, using up all of his remaining energy to get there, and then fell in.
Everything was honey, indeed.
And that thing was honey.
But now, the bear was very grumpy indeed. He was very sad because everything was NOT honey. There was no honey to be found anywhere in the forest, and the bear suspected he was to blame because he ate it all. He was overcome with grief and remorse, because without honey, life was meaningless. To the bear, a life without honey was no life at all. He sat on the forest floor picking at the grass and thought about what had to be done.
First, his thoughts turned to laziness, thinking he won't do anything because he doesn't want to do anything because there's no honey anywhere and what's the point of looking for something if it's gone because he ate it all because it was so great and wow he wanted honey right now. Then he began to get inspired. He considered where honey came from in the first place, thinking, wow, bees are great. I want to make bees so they can make honey for me. Or perhaps I can make the honey for me! No, then that's not real honey. I need bees. Bees. Bzzzzzzzzzz. Bees. What do bees like? Well, I like honey. Do bees like honey? Surely everyone must like honey, because I know I like honey. Honey is such a pleasant word. Honey. Honey. HONEY. I could say it for hours. Hold on, what was I thinking about? Oh yes, bees. I think bees like flowers. They're always crawling around on those. I think I'll go pick a few and then lure them and then they'll gather and say, "Here, take all the honey you want! I love honey!" Oh wait, I'd say that. I'd say that part about loving honey. I love honey.
On that note, the bear stood up with some difficulty due to his girth, and he began to wander around the forest picking up all kinds of flowers while at the same time keeping an eye out for any honey, of course. He walked and searched for hours and hours. He saw many buzzing insects, smelled several sweet smells, but did not find any bees or any honey. Finally, after collecting a good amount of flowers, he realized he didn't know what to do with them. After an hour or so of fruitless critical thinking, he decided to lay them down on the ground and make bee noises until they arrived.
But they never did. Instead, the bear found two men hiking around the forest, carrying all sorts of investigative tools and maps and big backpacks.
"No, I'm telling you, it's that way!" the taller one said, thrusting his finger in an easterly direction. "If we're to go there," he said, pointing to a spot on the map, "we have to go that way. It's obvious. How do you expect to get out of here if you don't listen to me?"
"Nah, Ned, I told you. The map's wrong. If that's east," the shorter one said earnestly, pointing in the direction Ned pointed in, "then that huge rock should be over there. See?" he asked, indicating the map.
"Okay, fine, whatever you say, Bill," Ned sighed. They walked off in the direction Bill indicated.
The bear had seen this exchange and was intrigued by the two humans he had just seen. What if they had taken the honey? There are never any humans in the forest. The two events must be linked. And so, the bear ran after them.
"Now where are we?" asked Ned, clearly very annoyed. The explorers were now surrounded by vast canyons of mossy rock. "We're lost! Totally lost! Admit it!"
"No, we are not lost! I know exactly where we are," said Bill stubbornly. "It's... You know... Right around the..... Oh, okay, fine! We're lost!" He threw up his hands, accepting defeat.
"Aha! Thank you! Now, how will we get back home? Any ideas?"
"Well, I mean, we have our cell phones --"
"Oh, right. I'll call the authorities."
"I'll call my wife and tell her our situation."
The bear watched with interest as Ned and Bill took out their cell phones. He was thoroughly puzzled when they began speaking into them.
"Hi honey. Yeah, it's me," Bill said casually into his phone.
The bear froze.
Honey.
Honey?
Did he say...
HONEY?!
In an intensely excited and passionate fever of emotions, the bear sprang forward towards Bill and Ned, thinking only of honey, always thinking of honey all the time always. He sprinted towards them with a crazed look in his eyes. The men saw the insane bear rushing towards them, screamed, dropped their phones, and ran. The bear was about to follow them, but he heard the word again from one of the phones!
"Honey? Bill, are you there? What happened? Are you okay? Oh my God..." The bear studied the phone, wondering where that voice was coming from and why did it know about honey. Hold on, he thought, maybe this IS the honey! Oh, that's it, that's it! The bear snatched the phone and chewed it up. He spit it out almost immediately, regretting his actions. That wasn't honey, he thought. That was a metal bug of lies.
The other phone, however, was still speaking. "Hello? What happened? Do you need me to send helicopters?" it asked, then could be heard saying aside, "Yeah, he said they were lost in the forest. You know, the one near -- yeah, that one. Yeah, just go, there's no harm in checking." And then he hung up.
The bear became very grumpy again. He still didn't have any honey or any bees. He didn't have any friends and he didn't have a home or any kind of security. He sat down, went to sleep, and dreamed of honey.
But his nap was short lived, because he was woken up by a couple of helicopters soaring overhead. Wow! thought the bear. Those bees are HUGE! They came, they really came -- but where are they going? Hey! Bees! Come back! Give me your honey!!
The bear chased after them for a few minutes until they led him back to Bill and Ned, who were staring up at the helicopters by a big lake. By leading him here, the bear thought the big bees were trying to tell him the following: "These men have all of our honey and we led you to them so you could have it; just go up to them and ask!" Heeding their instructions, the bear sprinted towards them, tongue lolling out of his mouth, and before he knew it, one of the "bees" shot him with something and the men once again looked terrified.
The bear began to slip out of reality. He began to feel very sleepy as well, but the lake, the lake -- the nearby lake was a lake of honey! Oh, look at all that honey! I must taste some before I sleep! thought the bear. He dragged himself towards the honey lake, using up all of his remaining energy to get there, and then fell in.
Everything was honey, indeed.
